A lot of times, we confuse love with lust, or we feel the need to have that love and/or emotional attachment to someone. Sometimes, subconsciously, we want someone we just can’t have. And the more we are rejected, the more we want it, and that can turn into a battle of the wits.
The individual, who doesn’t understand his or her own feelings, can be lead down a road of emotional duress, wanting to love or someone to love so badly, it opens up that rabbit hole of “feeling not good enough for anyone
It’s taking the time to pause and listen to your own inner feelings, “Why do I like this person?” “Why do I feel this way?” You have to go deep with the questions. Otherwise, you will come up with a surface reason like, “I guess I’m just not good enough, young enough, or smart enough, and that is why he doesn’t like me… oh well.”
Well, the “oh well” is just stuffing feelings into a bag that will continue to grow and, if not addressed, will burst someday!
There is also one more question you need to ask yourself, and that is, “Does that person have their own story?” Maybe they are not ready to care or love because of their own internal feelings, and it’s a good possibility it has nothing to do with me. They may have their own personal negative thoughts they are dealing with.
We can’t change people or make them love us or care for us; we can only change ourselves and be open to the fact “it may not be all about you.”
So continually being aware of your own feelings and asking the “why” questions will teach you to be open, aware, and willing to begin to choose healthier relationships with people that are open to loving back.
Forgive, let go of the weight in your heart, and reclaim your personal headspace
I have some hard-learned advice. Years ago, I developed a friendship with a younger colleague who was starting out teaching Art. She had a new baby, and I gave my time and a lot of professional expertise to her freely as the friendship grew.
We were close in mindset and spirit, I was very open to sharing tips, and she appreciated my input. I was in a school that was inner city, emotionally tough, and she knew I wanted out. As it happened, unbeknownst to me, there was a job opportunity with the school district that would have suited me especially, but she wanted it for herself.
She called me, just short of the deadline, to say she was applying for it but never said anything. As I answered from a cab on vacation, she must have felt she could avoid telling me. Reasoning, I expect, that I would never make it to apply before the post closed. She called me again two days later, just as she was leaving her interview, letting me know she had seen the post and applied.
When I called to ask about it -the opening had just closed that day. When she got the position, I felt extremely wounded and betrayed.
Professionally, I now had to see her presenting meetings and workshops throughout the next few years, knowing that she kept me from a shot at that ‘dream’ job. I couldn’t think of her as a friend anymore, hated seeing anything that reminded me of that friendship, and dreaded seeing her professionally.
I read a book called “The Untethered Soul,” which opened my thought process up, but the main golden wisdom nugget I personally discovered, was that the precious time you spend thinking about the betrayal, and the hurt, and the disappointment, is all-time taken from your life!